Being married to a member of the military presents all sorts of challenges. The moving, the separations, and the demands of the army can all be stressful. One of the factors to which I am starting to get accustom is the chance of something bad happening to my soldier. Before deployment you talk about wills, power of attorney and funeral arrangements. That was bad enough and I had to take multiple breaks to go cry in the kitchen. During deployment, it is a different kind of anxiety.
Now that Lane is gone, the chance of something happening is always hovering around my mind. Lots of military spouses have ways to deal with the anxiety of their husband's being in harms's way. I have gone with the "pretend it's not happening" approach. Now because of Lane's position this might be a little easier for me. However, every once in while something happens and I am hit square in the face with intense anxiety that something will happen to Lane. I have developed a highly scientific strategy for dealing with different high stress situations.
My thought process when someone knocks on my door:
- "I talked to Lane a few hours ago. There is no way the Army has its act together enough to get a notification officer out here this quickly."
Also, I want to pass a law that no one can knock on your front door or ring your doorbell during deployment. I am thinking about getting a sign that says, "Please call before knocking on the door."
When I haven't heard from him:
- "Oh look someone from his FOB is on facebook. There would be blackout if he were hurt or dead. Therefore nothing bad has happened."
When there is a blackout
- If I just keep staring at his name on fb chat sooner or later that dot will turn green. It's literally the same as a middle school girl staring at the phone waiting for it to ring. Only much scarier. Seriously the worst.
When I hear about yet another helicopter crash or service member death
- Do an immediate calculation to the last time I heard from him and if he dropped any hints he would be leaving the FOB.
These may sound ridiculous, but they seriously are what goes through my head in any of these situations.
What were y'all's coping mechanisms?