It has been interesting to hear how different military spouses handle the emotional parts of deployment. Some of my friends keep their husbands stuff exactly where it was when he left. Toothbrushes in place, jackets hanging on the door and all of their clothes hanging in the closet. I have gone pretty much the opposite direction.
Almost immediately after Lane left I moved all his clothes to the other side of the closet. It's not that I don't like little reminders of him, but I like having all the closet space more. For me, it is easier to return to how I lived when Lane and I were still long distance. After he left, I switched back into single-living-Molly seamlessly and almost immediately. I don't yet know if this is a good or bad sign. I am hoping that I will switch back into married-mode as soon as he returns. I know there will be major bumps along the road, but I also know we can handle it.
I definitely don't think there is a right or wrong answer on how you deal with the separation. I personally like having my own space modifying our house to fit my needs. I will definitely change a few things back before Lane comes home, but for now I am going to keep a million pillows on the bed and completely take over both sides of the bathroom counter.
I would love to hear how my other military ladies have dealt with their husband's stuff while he's gone. Or even my civilian readers if your husband travels for work or is gone for other reasons.
I very slooooowly transitioned into "Single Amy" when my husband was deployed. I started the deployment sleeping on my side of the bed but eventually migrated to the middle. I also got into certain routines that we didn't have when we were living together (running right after work, cooking different foods, seeing certain friends). It was especially strange since we'd lived together for 6 years and dated for 10 when he left. Me doing my thing wasn't an issue while he was gone, but after the deployment was over and I moved to Germany to be with him, it was really hard. Reintegration + living overseas was a really stressful combo, and I hadn't heard many other people talk about reintegration before. (I wrote about it a bit on my blog if you are interested.) I feel like we are just now (8 months later) getting back into the swing of things. And go figure, we are PCSing, so we have that stress to focus on now, hahaha!
ReplyDeleteYou might have a better go of reintegration since y'all have been long distance before. Even if you don't find that you get right back into the swing of things when he returns, don't pressure yourself over it. I try to think of it like weight gain. You know, it took you this long to gain the weight, so it'll take just as long to exercise it off. He was gone for so many months, it might take that long to feel normal again. Hopefully this comment didn't bring you down; I meant it to be encouraging! Keep doing what works for you!
Amy- I can definitely understand that it would be harder if you are so used to living together. It really hasn't been that long for us, so it has been pretty easy to snap back into single mode. I am nervous about reintegration, and I loved your posts about the process.
DeleteI'm the opposite- the clothes he took off and left on the floor are still there. I didn't take his pillowcase off his pillow for MONTHS. I was convinced I could still smell him. He took his toothbrush with him, otherwise I'd still have it sitting next to mine. (Mine is awfully lonely.) Funny how everyone has their way of coping. :)
ReplyDeleteYou're right, everyone deals differently. I don't think I've made any conscious effort to do things one way or another, except that I wanted to go ahead and get into semi-single mode as quickly as possible, just for the sake of having a routine. And I have left his flip-flops in the living room. :)
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